False Sense of Security

It's over. That little peace you get when you mistakenly think you're slightly in control, or are "not doing so bad" in your daily life. *sigh*

In the last 2 weeks, Robbie(then followed by Allie, because I have no DOUBT the little stink taught his sister how) has learned how to:

a) climb out of his crib.

b) open doors, especially the front door to our unfenced yard.

c) climb over the child gate that keeps them corralled in the living room and relatively safe from doing *too much* damage. (At least, not anymore than they, or their preceding brothers have not already done.)

Crib Escape:
I've dreaded this day for MONTHS. It was never a fun thing with the other kids, knowing they were no longer secure and safe in their little beds at night, prompting many 2 am visits to mommy and daddy's bed.

Naps morphed into drives in the car until they conk out then hurry home and slip them in their beds before they wake. Nothing is worse than the 17 minute nap that was just enough to make them Mr. Crankmeister, and not able to fall back asleep at home.

With the twins, it's different. Infinitely harder. They have a buddy, just across the tiny room whom they can sing to, talk to, have jumping contests with(crib springs are bouncy!), throw books, pillows, blanket and sheets to. I witnessed that last one once... they exchanged bedding by stripping it off their beds and tossing it to the other's crib. It never made it in, but the receiver would reach through the bars, pick it up off the floor, and raise it to the top of the crib railing where they'd reach over with their other hand and pull it over. They both told each other "Dank you!" and were very proud of themselves. They also strip off their clothes so regularly that it's actually a surprise to find either with their clothes ON when they wake up. And if one has an idea, you KNOW, being toddlers, loving to copy, will follow suit.

So naps may be a thing of the past for these two muffins. Insanity for Mom in sues.

Opening Doors, or The Great Outdoors:
Before this month I could deny their curious little hands access to the bathroom, my bedroom, their brothers' bedroom, downstairs (aka the dungeon) and of course, keep them safe INSIDE.

But in recent weeks they've gotten into my makeup, colored in 12 keys on my black keyboard with a black permi marker (the letters have worn off from all my gabbing, but I still can't tell which is Ctrl and which is Alt.), eaten from 5-7 previuously unopened cereal boxes, gotten into numerous things the older boys are allowed to play with fairly unsupervised, but not the twins. Rubber stamps and ink pads, markers, watercolors, tiny puzzle pieces etc. And you know there's more...I just think I'm blocking it out.

And there is now a reason we regularly lock the deadbolt and chain across the top of the door (installed during our previous escape artist's rise to fame.). But that only works when actually LOCKED (did ya know that?) Our street isn't too busy, but with no sidewalks, and teenagers with big fat monster trucks who like to drag race our "strip"...and with 13 known sex offenders in a 2 mile radius...SHUDDER.

Last week during Spring Break (aka Holy Moo I have a lot of kids at home right now, where did they all come from and oh my gosh school is going to end soon and WHAT will I do with them then?) I *NEEDED* a shower... Wish I could say it was for a nice relaxing breather from the kids, but no...when you're watching 6 tiny children for roughly 90 hours straight by your lonesome(Dear hubby, you're working late AGAIN???), it's hard to squeeze in much personal hygiene time. Don't judge me. :P Normally I wait until my hubby *is* home, or when the twins are napping. (See previous mention of Crib Escapes!) I told the older 2 boys to play with the twins in the *locked gate* living room. I had also checked that the front door was dead bolted (but not chained). So I get out of my shower to hear shouts, followed by an unmistakable toddler's defiant "NO!" follow by you-can't-catch-me giggles coming from outside. I run to the window and see my oldest boys trying to get the twins to leave the big wheels/bikes in our backyard and come back in. I flipped out. Nothing like knowing your precious babies were outside in the big big world with all kinds of freaks while you were casually taking a shower to make a mom feel like dirt. scummy dirt. So much for that shower!

I yelled at the boys to catch them (they were trying) and ran for clothes. Couldn't very well run outside nekkid. That would really get the neighbors talking. And buying blinds.

By the time I had sufficient "coverage"and was at the front door, I was greeted by a wiggling, squirming Thing 1, and her brother struggling to keep a grip on her. (Never seen or done it, but I imagine it was similar to chasing and holding a greased piglet?) With them safely in, I went after Thing 2. That boy can RUN! Especially when he sees his drowned rat of a mama storming after him. He did giggle a lot. I think he thought I was playing "here comes the monster!"

Twins inside safe, chain on door. Collapse on floor. Turns out an annoying neighbor child who comes by our house every stinkin' day came by, and Jordan had unlocked the door to tell him No, they couldn't play. He forgot to deadbolt it again.

Where are those darn child safety knobs? Make note to go to Wally-World for anti-toddler mischief items.

The Straw that Broke Mommy's Back:
Our front door opens right into our living room, which is truly where we live. Since we bought the house when I was so wiped out sick pregnant with our 2nd child and needed to keep our oldest (9 months old when I got pregnant) next to me, Hubby Dear installed an AWESOME gate that attached to one side of the very wide entryway to the rest of the house (aka where all the fun stuff is, because being in here just stinks!) and swung out and locked on the other side. It's taller than average and has held up for 8 years and counting. It especially gets a lot of abuse from older siblings to lazy too unlock and re lock the gate so they climb over it constantly.

Yeah, well. This last Wednesday I watched in horror as 2 yr old Robbie scaled Mt. Freedom and laughed with some sort of evil laugh and probably mumbled something about how we couldn't keep him caged forever, and now he was free, free, FREE, I tell ya-to run amok in the rest of the house. (btw, my house is in a constant state of messiness, no matter what I try, but that just adds to the excitement of some sort of jungle safari for the kids. Bwah.)

I actually honestly whimpered.

I believe opening the fridge and removing all contents is next on their to-do list.

They are coming after me...my sanity. I have been outnumbered for several years now, but occasionally, I was under the false impression that I was actually still in some form of control of the chaos that swirls around in my house only to have it turn into a 2 ton elephant and come crashing through the ceiling.

Dramatic much? Um, I don't think so. Spend a day in my house and you will think I was being too understated. It's more like a brontosaurs.