Little background info: I have always been a SAHM, (my "baby" turned 9 on Sunday), but occasionally, I'd work a few hours here and there at "convenient" jobs, ie restaurant my husband managed, because they were short staffed, needed me to train new employees, or I wanted to earn extra money to buy him a nice Christmas present- at a friend's pizza shop 4-8 hours a week, where Eric was home with the 2 boys and I was 2 blocks away and I'd run home to nurse the baby on my break- and at a preschool so I could get my boys free preschool(the 3 of them were there with me). I also sold Usborn books (children's books) at home shows parties. None of them went more than 6 months, and I haven't attempted another one in about 4 and 1/2 years.
Now that my dear hubby has finally been accepted into the nursing program(we started this journey in Jan 02. We had 2 kids. Now we have 6.) in one week, he will have to quit his job so he can go to school and have time to study (50 hrs a week!). As of right now, they're doing a trial thing with him at his work and trying to keep him on part time...but we're not so sure it will work out, so we keep looking for other p/t work for him. This means I'm working p/t too. For the first time in my married life, I *have* to work.
I've been the assistant office manager (Not sure of my official title, but I think that's right) at a Karate school since the 2nd week in December. So far I have really enjoyed it, and I hope they see me as someone they can't do without and will give me a raise asap, lol.
On to my "thoughts": So after working for 2 weeks, then being home again(the karate school is closed over Christmas Break, I go back tommorow.), I have learned that:
a) WOHMs have it really tough
b) WOHMs have it pretty nice
I will be totally honest and say I always thought it was sad when moms work out of the home and leave their kiddies in daycare(Baby kennels, as my non-PC husband refers to them. He's done pest control service in quite a few and he says he always feels so sad when he sees these kids "growing up" in there.) everyday when they didn't *have* to. I say "didn't have to" when both parents are working and they have a big house, new cars and lots of expenses they could cut so mom could stay home. I'm still not going to change my thought that the Prophet is right that moms should be taking care of their kids and not working for "extras". (granted everyone has a different idea of what is "extra" and what is necessary, lol) That is sooo not his quote, lol...but I think that's the gist of it.
But having to work just to pay our bills, (which really, aren't many in the way of excess, unless you count dh's diet coke habit and my scrapbooking addiction-and it doesn't help that I work across the street from Robert's Crafts! We don't have any debt, just our house...but feeding clothing and taking care of a family of 8 ain't exactly chump change. Unless you're Donald Trump.) boy, this has been tough. I have been really overwhelmed trying to get into the swing of things, and having to leave my kids at 3:40 and come home after they're in bed (8:20) tue-fri. This means I see my two oldest in the 30 minutes before I send them off to school, and I pass them as I leave and they walk in the door. My house has suffered (not that I was queen of clean before), I have totally slacked off on grocery/household shopping so we keep running out of things. I've missed a couple fun activities with my family (actually, we all missed them because we only have one car, and even if Eric had the car he's not brave/stupid enough to take all 6 kids to our ward Christmas party alone.) So I feel like I'm in limbo with motherhood stuff. I need some serious organizing/priority skills and darned if Santa forgot to put them in my stocking. It's been extra work for my hubby too, because he's been rushing home from work (as he finishes his last month working full time) and then he makes dinner and does all the stuff with the kids and puts them all in bed. He's DA MAN, I promise. I miss him, because we have little time together. We are determined to do this by ourselves, meaning we don't want to ask family to babysit unless it's absolutely necessary. This means we're pulling shifts as parents, and I hope we can find something smarter to do when he's actually in school next week.
But being home with the kids all out of school and Eric working late hours has really made me miss my BREAK of going to work. I have really enjoyed getting to sit at a desk, with my Josh Groban Christmas music playing (no one yelling that they didn't like that song and they want to listen to the chipmunk's Christmas song for the 397th time etc), typing or designing creative "things" (flyers/binder covers etc), organizing things-I LOVE organizing! SERIOUSLY! I just don't have the uninterrupted time to get things done with 6 kids all over me at home.. So this is FUN for me! And I'm GOOD at my job! Plus I have staff/customers telling me how great this or that looks or that I have a great idea or Wow we're so glad you're here! etc...who WOULDN'T enjoy that? Especially after 9 years (aww, did I mention my baby turned NINE Sunday? And my *real* baby turned ONE on Friday. No more babies in my house...*sniff sniff* but that's a whole nother weepy post.) of virtual motherhood invisibility. The ego strokes are addicting, I tell ya! I feel like a functioning adult. I get to use other parts of my brain that have been deteriorating in storage. (granted, there are lots of skills I use that I have gotten from motherhood and running a house! I'm so glad they recognized that when they hired me. One of the reasons I really like working here. Being a Mom is a valuable skill)
So all *that* makes me feel guilty. Aren't I supposed to be all fulfilled and stuff by being a mother? I'm definitely FILLED up with stuff to do and people to take care of. I get more than my share of joy and love from my kids, (as well being over the quota for changing poopy bums and other yucky messes)I could never imagine not being a mom, even for a second...that thought almost makes me cry right now. Am I less of a mom because I enjoy the perks of WOH? The money stinks, so there's not an issue of me being greedy for worldly things, LOL...but pride is worldly, right? lol...oh bother.
So that's my little brain's thoughts for the week, even the month. It's all pooped out, and if I'm going to get organized and prioritized (can you *get* prioritized? LOL), I am giving up lots of my *me* time on the computer. *sniff*I hope you all had a Merry Christmas!
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Thoughts from a new WOHM
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9 comments:
Shayla, you NAILED it! It is a tightrope to walk every single day between all your responsibilities and all the things you want to do, both with your family and away from them.
Since I started my job 3.5 years ago, I have gained a new respect for Eve's having to choose between two life-altering options, each with very powerful positives AND very serious negatives.
I'm so glad we can have the Spirit to guide us. I don't know how I would do it, otherwise.
Well said Shayla....being a woman is filled with difficult decisions....I am contemplating working somehow again after almost 20 years of not working (well, except for my stint as a crossing guard when my kids came with me) but even now with only two kids left and the youngest in 4th grade....I am torn, hopefully I will find the correct solution for me....I do not have to work technically, but the cost of a missionary, and college....well...it would be nice to have a bit of "extra" money....but alas...I have not yet found the answer to my prayer, and will continue to petition the Lord to let me know what He has in store....hang in there my friend....you sound like you are finding ways to make all this work! I think of you often!
Great post, Shayla! I totally get your mixed emotions. I'm glad you like your job, and that your dh's bosses are trying to work with him. It will work out. =)
Thanks gals! I feel so bad that I've "judged" wohms (by choice), and I didn't realize how hard some of this is, because you still have your 24/7 mom job, just less hours to do it in! So frustrating!
What does it matter anyways, if we're all moms trying to do the best we know how for our family? Shouldn't we, as moms, be supportive of each other?
Gosh, Shayla, I could've written this EXACT post last year at this time!!! Well, almost....I am glad to be home, again, but I miss the ego strokes! ;o) And the quiet. And the adult conversation. LOL. Your post is very insightful!
Great post Shayla!
I've always *sort of* wanted to have a job, for all of those same reasons.
{{hugs}} Thanks for your insight! mwah!
I'm right there with ya', except I don't have to work. I'm doing it b/c I felt like it was the right thing to do and to get free preK for DS. It's very nice to have something different to do (something other than wiping, cooking, or chauffering various things and people) that other people actually appreciate, and TELL me they appreciate. But the good feelings I get are directly proportional to the bad feelings I get over not having much of me left to share with my family and my inability to keep up with my housewifing, even though I'm only working two 3-hour days a week. Amazing how just 6 hours can suck up an entire week, huh? I would quit except that I feel it is very important to finish something I start, and I *want* to learn the teaching skills I am being forced to pick up. It's tough and I really feel for ya'.
Good post. I like your attitude.
Cal
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